Dear Flame Princess,
It has been forever since I last saw you.
How foolish I was to challenge the laws of nature and time. Heck, I wasn’t even sure of what was my role in your life. Just so you know, before I came and stepped into your life, there was an order given by the stars and I’ve been keeping that as a clandestine for so long.
Out of the blue, the glass case of my tumultuous feelings fell, the shards of its broken pieces stared at me. It made me realize something and it hit me, really, really hard; I have done a mistake for chrissake, a fault that for a lifetime will poison me with guilt.
I recalled the greatest fleeting memory we had. It was a Saturday evening of March 1992 when we both ran away and decided to forget the veracity of life. You held my hand tightly and it felt surreal. The world, for once, we even called it our own. It was indeed breathtaking that we did not care about anything because we, in that split second, were everything.
We played those cassette tapes we created for ourselves. We sat down under an old oak tree. We watched the cars passing by from afar as the gush of night’s cold air blanketed the both of us. We did not even talk too much but I knew what I felt, I knew exactly what it meant.It struck me. It felt like there was a predicament I could now solve. A found missing puzzle piece I’ve been searching for. A sudden answer like a lamp post ardently flickering at the end of the road.
But still, there was something that pulled me away from you. The clandestine, yes. I remembered what the stars told me. That strange order that if I want you to be by my side forever, I must not look into your eyes. I must not look for answers and this shall remain as a hush.
But damn that I was so out of myself, I didn’t even had a chance of having second thoughts. I just decided to set them, the orders and hindrances, all aside. I overlooked what the consequences might be. It was just a law we could both defy, a law that together we could get through.
But babe, I was wrong.
Regrets? Perhaps as I write this note, the thought kills me little by little. I realized it was off beam to do such. I knew it was love, yes, it was love. But sometimes, you really don’t have to decipher what you feel and what kind of love it was for it loses its magic. Just let it be. Perhaps, it wasn’t mutual at all. I mean, you didn’t feel the same way like I did. Or probably you weren’t just ready or you weren’t even brave enough to fight for that thing.
I hate that you just fled and left me here hanging after I looked into your eyes. I hate that it was my damn fault why we lost that magic and everything we both had. But at least, I have learned something from you. I guess that I don’t have to explain things that much, to fathom what every detail meant.
Now you’re gone. And I can’t do anything to bring those moments back.
It has been forever since I last saw you.
Grace: Ang bilis ng panahon ‘no…
Gian: Makapagdrama naman ‘to! Gaga, hindi pa tayo ggraduate!
Okay, hindi na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Nalulungkot ako kasi nagreblocking kami sa college namin. Corny? Clingy? Madrama? Call it whatever you want pero namimiss ko na talaga ang Wanwan. Alam ko naman na ang reason ng college namin kaya kami nagreblocking at yun ay para lalo naming makilala ang isa’t isa. Pero mukhang iba ang nangyayari eh. Isang linggo na ang nakalipas simula ng pasukan at ng pagiging official sophomore students namin sa college pero parang hindi ko pa din nakikita yung pagiging isa ng block. Equal naman yung pagkakahati-hati ng blocks. Walang mas marami, walang mas konti. Sakto lang.
Ang nakakalungkot, may pagkakaparte parte kasi kami. Madalas sa classroom, ang mga nasa unahan, Wanwan. Tapos bandang gitna, block 2. Tas likod yung block 3. Seriously, di ko pa nga kilala lahat ng mga kaklase ko eh. Dahil sa Wanwan lang din talaga ako nakikisama, ganun din naman sila. After ng isang subject, pag break na namin, maghihiwalay hiwalay na yan. Pupunta sa kung saan sila madalas pumupunta dati. Ganun din naman kami. Hindi mo naman kasi masisisi yan eh. May grupo na sila. May grupo kami. Kilala nila ang isa’t isa. Kilala namin ang isa’t isa. Parang grupo lang yan ng iba’t ibang klase ng isda sa iisang aquarium. May goldfish, rainbowfish at clownfish. Siyempre makikita mo, magkakasama ang goldfish, ganun din ang rainbowfish at clownfish pero ang point ng may-ari ng aquarium, lahat sila isda kaya dapat silang pagsama-samahin. Nasa iisang kolehiyo lang kami, kaya dapat kaming pagsama-samahin. Tska Mass Comm eh, kelangan talagang matutong makibagay sa tao. Sabi nga ni Ma’am Jastia nung first day namin sa Intro to Broad, “We need to learn when to be dependent and independent.”
Sana mabago pa. Sana maging kaclose ko yung mga bago kong ka-block. 1st week pa lang din naman at wala pang activities na nangyayari. Magbabago pa yan. ;)
Balik tayo sa Wanwan. Sobrang miss ko na yung klase namin. As in soooobra. Pag nagkikita nga kami, sabi nga ni Shaira, parang isang taong hindi nagkita-kita. Kung maka-kaway, makayakap at maka-ngiti parang nag abroad lang at nagbalik-bayan after 5 years. Sabi din ni Carlene, iba din kasi talaga ang Wanwan.
Nung Wednesday, walang prof yung block 3 at nasa GA 306 sila. Yung block 1, nasa GA 207 at wala pa ding prof. Kami naman nasa GA 206 at wala ding prof. Kaya ang nangyari? Sugod ang Wanwan ng block 1 at 2 sa GA 306. Ayun. Mini reunion ang mga bakla. Kaya nagkaron din kami ng picture. Nakakatuwang nakakaiyak. Minsan nga nagdadrama kami ni Iman na OA na tears of joy.
Guys, nakakamiss kayong lahat. Yung mga tropang pagpasok mo sa room, grupo grupo na yan pero iisa ang objective at yun ay mangulit at mag-ingay. Ang APG, Brotherhood, MSG, ATG at kung ano pa mang tropa-tropang nabuo diyan. As in lahat.
Yung kalokohan ng block na kapag late papasok si Chenette ng room. Yung sabay-sabay na kakanta ng Chenette-chenette-chene-nette-nette. Yung asar sa tambalang MaXette GagaNtonio. Yung mga added information at trivia ni Roxette. Yung pag aannounce ni Ate Jess sa klase na may sulat galing sa taas na kala mo naman death threat dahil palagi siyang nakasimangot at seryoso. Yung mga GM ni Ie. Yung like this way na pagsalita ni Ma’k to everybody. Yung katandem ko na si Iman sa tinatawag naming Wanwan chant. Yung sobrang taas na energy ni Andylyn G. Gimena at Sheena Marie A. Enecuela. Actually gusto kong isa-isahin ang Wanwan at kung anong namimiss ko sa kanila. Kaya lang, baka kiligin yung mga yun eh. Chos. Pero ikaw, kung Wanwan ka at binabasa mo ‘to ngayon, namimiss na kita.
Sana mabuo kami ulit ‘no? I mean, sabi nga nila, sana magkaron ng reunion. Haha. Pero ang labo mangyari niyan. Siguro ganun na nga. At least nakilala namin ang isa’t isa diba? Alam namin kung sino ang tatakbuhan kapag nagkaroon kami ng problema. Alam mo na kung sino ang lalapitan mo at alam na din kung sino ang gugulpihin kapag badtrip ka dahil si Jerald lang yun. Char lang! Hahaha.
Iba nga talaga ang ingay at kulit ng block na binigyang description bilang “Crazy but promising.”
Iba talaga ang Wanwan, together and forever as Wan na yan.